Football in the South

It's THAT time of year. The dreaded summer doldrums where you can dream about college football, think about college football, talk about college football, but you can't watch it for more than two months!

But my sister sent me an e-mail recently on the the subject of college football in the South (as opposed to the North) and I think it's worth sharing. If I knew who originated it, I would surely give credit where credit is due, but, in the meantime, let's explore the difference between gameday at a northern school and gameday at a southern one:

Stadium Size

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Getting to the Stadium

NORTH: You ask, "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it's the state's third largest city.

Parking

NORTH: An hour before the game the university opens the campus for parking.

SOUTH: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Getting Tickets

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk in the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Women's Accessories

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuiton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Homecoming Queen

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Commentary (Male)

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch. Tackle him. Break his legs!"

Commentary (Female)

NORTH: My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch. Tackle him. Break his legs!"