My Crystal Ball Says...

...that I know what will happen in this week's key games. Always remember that I'm right, and your team sucks.


Some of you may have noticed that I didn't post the visions provided by My Crystal Ball last week.

The sponsor backed out at the last minute, so the hundreds of dollars I would have made while typing suddenly dried up.

So I said, "The hell with it." And I drank beer instead.

This week, you get a slightly expanded version of My Crystal Ball, brought to you by new Honey Roasted Buffalo Chips.

They told me the check was in the mail. I swear.

Tennessee at #2 Alabama - I'm already tired of hearing about Mark Ingram, but I guess it's understandable for a guy who's leading the nation in rushing. Wait. What did you say? He's not leading the nation? He's 4th? Behind Ryan Mathews of Fresno State, Darius Marshall of Marshall and Dion Lewis of Pittsburgh? So why haven't I heard of those guys? I don't understand it either. Clearly, Ingram must have dominated Tennessee last year, right? Well, no... 4 carries for 1 yard. Despite what the alleged experts tell you, Alabama is not unbeatable. They struggled with Kentucky before the Wildcats self-destructed with 5 turnovers, and they managed one whopping offensive touchdown in last week's win over the Gamecocks. Tennessee has a decent running back of their own, Montario Hardesty (who, by the way, averages just 17 yards per game less than Ingram), and their defense is good enough to keep this game close. The key to this game is their quarterback, Jonathan Crompton. He had his first great great game of the year two weeks ago when the Vols trounced Georgia 45-19. If he has two great games in a row, the Vols win.

#8 TCU at #16 BYU - This is a huge game between two teams that most of the nation never watches. TCU is 4th in the nation in total defense. BYU is 6th in scoring. Something's got to give. It's Gary Patterson's 10th year at TCU, and it doesn't take long to notice that they are a well-coached team. They make few mistakes. They have a very good defense, a solid rushing attack, and a dependable quarterback. They are one of just seven teams who remain unbeaten. On the other sideline, if Bronco Mendenhall didn't coach, what else would he do? That's clearly the best name in football. It's worth noting here that BYU also has running backs named Unga and Tonga. I'm not kidding. In the name game, the Cougars win. "Quarterback U" has given the football world a steady stream of talent over the years - Gifford Nielsen, Marc Wilson, Jim McMahon, Steve Young, Robbie Bosco, Ty Detmer, etc. Max Hall is another good one. But, I have to tell you, I've seen Florida State play a few times, and I can not bring myself to pick a team that got pounded at home 54-28 by this year's Noles. TCU will use a handful of running backs to pound that Cougar defense, and then Andy Dalton will start tossing the ball over their heads. And, on second thought, BYU might not win the name game hands down. TCU trumps all by calling themselves the Horned Frogs.

Illinois at Purdue - In his famous book, Catch-22, Joseph Heller wrote, "Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. With him it was all three." He wasn't writing about Ron Zook, but he could have been. He has a reputation as a great recruiter and a tireless worker, but he should abandon the sideline work on Saturdays to the cheerleaders. He's just not a guy who knows how to build team chemistry. I stumbled on the Fighting Illini Football page on Facebook, and discovered that their page administrator (an Illinois sports information employee) has been deleting all the negative comments from fans, and it's become nearly a full time job. I've read that rowdy fans in the stands at the last home game were telling recruits not to go there. It's that bad. Purdue's offense played reasonably well in a series of close losses before the defense finally chipped in and they sprung the trap on Ohio State last week. Running back Ralph Bolden is quietly putting up some decent numbers. Can the Boilermakers make it two wins in a row? Yes.

Auburn at #9 LSU - These two teams almost always play hard-hitting, entertaining games. If you've never watched a Tiger brawl, make an effort to find a TV at 7:30 Saturday night. Auburn started the year 5-0 under first year coach Gene Chizik, and everyone thought he had somehow worked a miracle. Then they ran into Arkansas and Kentucky teams badly in need of a win, and, suddenly, the Tigers are in the midst of a two game losing streak, and, well, badly in need of a win. Ben Tate and Onterio McCalebb average over 5 yards a carry, and Auburn has quietly risen to 8th in the nation in total offense, thanks to the strength of their running game. LSU seems to win with smoke and mirrors. They are loaded with talent on both sides of the ball, but, while the defense is decent, the offense is pitiful, currently 112th. QB Jordan Jefferson can throw the ball a mile, and Brandon LaFell and Terrance Toliver are big, tall receivers. If they ever get the passing game really working, it will be amazing. Still, they just keep finding ways to win games. It wouldn't take much to convince me that Les Miles is the luckiest coach in America. I think the Tigers get lucky again in this one. ;) The LSU Tigers.

#1 Florida at Mississippi State - Only two of Florida's six defenseive tackles are healthy right now. And LB Brandon Spikes is nursing a groin injury. This is not a good thing when you have to play a Mississippi State team that is 13th in the nation in rushing, and has a bruising back like Anthony Dixon (who, by the way, averages just 13 yards per game less than Alabama's Mark Ingram). First year coach Dan Mullen knows Urban Meyer well - until this year, they've coached together since 1999. Does this give the Bulldogs an advantage? Maybe. But, bear in mind that Meyer also knows Mullen well. The Bulldogs' problem has been consistency on offense, and a porous defense - currently 59th nationally. For some reason, Florida teams of the past seemed to sink into the Mississippi quagmire when they visited. The Gators have lost their last 4 in Starkeville, dating back to 1986. But this is not your father's Florida team (I can't believe I just typed that). With the offense still trying to find a steady rhythm, the defense has been dominating games for the Gators. I think Meyer will challenge his offense to step up and win one for his battered stop troops. When in doubt, take any team that has Tim Tebow at quarterback. I hope Florida wins easily so I can watch the LSU-Auburn game.