My Crystal Ball Says... (Week 9)

...that I know what will happen in this week's key games. Always remember that I'm right, and your team sucks.

Week 9

Ok, ok, I know. I am lame. I haven't put My Crystal Ball to work in a couple of weeks. First of all, I was a little disturbed when my picks - based on decades of watching and writing about college football - were outdone by the tossing of a coin. Secondly, I've been getting my ass kicked lately by life in general, and work in particular. If any of you can hook me up with a sponsor that has deeper pockets than my current one, I will gladly abandon my regular working life and dedicate myself to My Crystal Ball full time, provided I can still afford cheap beer and expensive champagne.

This week, I'm going to kick the quarter's ass.

#2 Oregon at USC -  This is a popular upset pick this week.  NCAA sanctions will prevent USC from playing in a bowl game, and, apparently, they are treating this game like the Big Game.  So, for some reason, the alleged experts think the Trojans can pull this off.  At first glimpse, it appears that Oregon has a clear advantage.  They are unbeaten (7-0).  Their offense has been running like a sports car, smooth and fast, and their defense has been surprisingly tough.  But, even though USC is 5-2, the losses have been by a combined total of three points, both on last second field goals.  The Trojan defense has struggled, but should play well at home in a game like this.  I hate USC.  They cheated, got caught, and are now mad about it.  Hey, choices have consequences.  It's called life.  Deal with it.  And if you think Reggie Bush was the only player getting paid to play, contact me immediately; I have some oceanfront property in Kansas that I will sell you cheap.  But at least they made things better after Pete Carroll abandoned the floundering ship by hiring Lane Kiffin, who has habitually thumbed his nose at the NCAA, and everybody else for that matter.  This despite the fact that his career record as a head coach is currently 17-23.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again; if anybody wants to pay me $3 million a year to be an idiot, I will gladly sign your contract.  And I promise to give you the most idiot your money can buy.  I would love to see an upset here, partly because I just like upsets (except when they happen to my team), and partly because I want Boise State to get a spot in the BCS Championship game.  But I think the Ducks have too much depth, and will pull away late.  And Lane Kiffin will be 17-24.   *chuckles*

Quarter says:  Oregon

#5 Michigan State at #18 Iowa - It's hard to appreciate the style of football they play in a league that still isn't sure how many members it has. I finally understand why they have so many noon kickoffs in the Big Ten Plus One Soon to be Twelve - who could stay awake late at night watching this stuff?  Iowa is starting to remind me of Wisconsin - you can always count on them for a key conference win and a key conference loss.  It must be painfully tantalizing for their fans.  No wonder they whine so much.  Iowa (5-2) is coming off a close home loss to Wisconsin, but they are solid, if not spectacular, on both sides of the ball.  Michigan State comes into this game unbeaten (8-0) and under pressure.  They've beaten some teams that are decent, at least on paper, but their most notable accomplishment so far seems to be beating Notre Dame on a trick play that was so exciting the coach who called it subsequently had a heart attack.  I'm happy that Mark Dantonio has recovered, and has returned to the sidelines.  But I'm hoping that Saturday's game doesn't send him back to the emergency room.  Michigan State has lost six straight at Iowa, dating back to 1991.  The Hawkeyes will see that the streak runs to seven.

Quarter says:  Michigan State

#1 Auburn at Mississippi - This is another popular upset pick among the alleged experts.  Rebel coach Houston Nutt does have a pretty remarkable record in upset victories - knocking off #1 teams on the road in 2008 (Florida) and 2007 (LSU), and beating #2 Auburn in 2006 (while the head coach at Arkansas). But Mississippi (3-4) has never beaten Auburn (8-0) when the Tigers are ranked (0-13).  And Cam Newton has started to look like a man among boys.  Right now, it's his Heisman to lose, and I don't see him losing it in Oxford.  If Auburn keeps winning - and I think they will - it sets up a huge Iron Bowl at Alabama on November 26th.

Quarter says:  Auburn

Florida vs Georgia (Jacksonville) - I have to be honest.  It's hard to care about this game.  Both teams had high expectations, and both teams have been, basically, terrible.  Georgia has been improving since receiver A.J. Green returned from suspension - they've won three in a row.  Florida, on the other hand, comes in with a three game losing streak, and with an offense that spends as much time standing still - or going backwards - as it does doing anything positive at all.  While Georgia spent last week struggling with Kentucky, Florida had an off week to try to figure out how to move the ball.  The Gator defense has been porous at times, but is playing better than expected most of the time.  I think the Florida players and coaches need this win desperately.  And, somehow, I think they'll get it.

Quarter says:  Georgia

This brilliant insight brought to you by:


The Grocery Store Checkout Magazine About Nothing in Particular.

Stanford Not Just for Nerds Any More

Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh has the Tree playing a physical style of football that is fun to watch. It takes tough guys to play that way, and Stanford has a few.

Quarterback Andrew Luck is a big guy with a strong arm. And, as he shows in the video clip below, he is tough. For a quarterback...

Upon Further Review (Week 5)

Illegal Procedure Exclusive Photo: The Zooker Does It Again

This was a familiar sight to Florida fans from 2002 to the middle of 2004.  Since then, it has become a familiar sight to Illinois fans.  In this photo - an Illegal Procedure exclusive - the rest of you get to know Ron Zook as Florida and Illinois fans know him.  He has spent years trying - and failing - to  coach his way out of a paper bag.

Let's look at the latest example from this past Saturday.

Ohio State paid a visit to Champaign, and the Illini struggled mightily to keep the game close.  Trailing 17-10 in the middle of the 4th quarter, the Illini pieced together a drive that left them at the Buckeyes' 13 yard line with under five minutes to play.  Illinois had burned a time out on defense during Ohio State's previous possession, so they had two left.  It's 4th and 7.

If you have a normal, functioning brain, you would think to yourself, Ohio State chewed up almost 8 minutes on their last possession - which led to a field goal.  Even though I have two time outs, I may not get the ball back.  I need to go for it on 4th down.  I need a touchdown here.  A field goal does me no good.  Even if the field goal is good, I still need a touchdown to win.

But Ron Zook, apparently, does not have a normal, functioning brain.  He decided to kick a field goal to make it 17-13.  Ron, think about this, after that field goal you kicked, you still needed a touchdown.  Why not go for it on 4th down?  Did you really think you could get a field goal and a touchdown on your last two possessions if, indeed you actually got another possession?  And despite the fact that you had managed 10 points in the previous 55 minutes of the game, you thought you were going to score another 10 in the last 5 minutes?

Thankfully for fans of the Zooker, he was saved from Bonehead of the Week status by the actions of Legendary Bonehead Les Miles...

Bonehead of the Week

How many times can Les Miles reach into his bag of lucky tricks and pull out a win?  Seriously.  Saturday's last second tragically comic ending in the game against Tennessee would probably earn him Bonehead of the Year honors, if we had such a thing.

Trailing 14-10, LSU miraculously drove 69 yards for the winning score, along the way converting a 4th and 14 that should have been a 4th and 9, except for poor clock management that caused a delay of game penalty.  Slow play-calling and substitution had caused LSU to burn the last of their timeouts just a moment before.  But the preposterously stupid part came at the very end.

With a 2nd and goal at the Tennessee 2 yard line, and time running out, Tiger quarterback Jordan Jefferson scrambled for a yard to the Volunteer 1.  With the clock running down to single digits, LSU, inexplicably, decided to change personnel before running the next play.  There was no way it was going to work, and, in fact, it didn't.  LSU center T Bob Hebert, seeing the clock ticking down near zero, snapped the ball before Jefferson was expecting it.  The snap went behind him, and all Jefferson could do was run and fall on it. 

Game over.

Except it wasn't.

The only thing more unbelievable than LSU changing personnel with the clock inside of 10 seconds and running was the fact that Tennessee tried to substitute to match LSU's line up.  As LSU snapped the ball on what should have been the last, hopeless play of the game, Tennessee had 13 men on the field. 

Penalty.  Illegal participation.

LSU was allowed to repeat the last play, with no time on the clock, and the result of that play was a Stevan Ridley 1 yard run for the winning score. Final: LSU 16 - Tennessee 14.

What would possibly make anyone think that situation substitution would be a good idea with 9 seconds on the clock and no time outs?

Amazingly, Les Miles thought so.  And got away with it. 

But he is still the Bonehead of the Week.

Addazio Calling Plays for the Wrong QB

I am still ready and willing to say that Alabama is the best team in the country right now, so let's make no mistake about that. But if you look back at Saturday's win over Florida, it wasn't the colossal beatdown that most of the alleged experts would lead you to believe.

First of all, Florida has been a slow-starting team all year, and Alabama is certainly good enough to take advantage of that. The Gators outgained the Tide by a 2 to 1 margin in the second half. Sure, by then, Alabama had a comfortable lead, but, if you're going to tell me that Nick Saban called off the dogs early then you don't know much about Nick Saban.

Secondly - and I know there isn't much sense in using your imagination to retroactively remove certain plays from a game, but let's think about this - if Florida manages to score touchdowns both times they moved the ball inside the Alabama two yard line and came away empty, and, if they don't throw the pick 6 in the 3rd quarter, then you're looking at a 24-20 game. Still a Florida loss, but not exactly a behind the woodshed whipping.

Thirdly, the Gator defense is good enough to keep them in a game with anybody. When the Florida coaching staff finally realizes that what they have is a drop-back passing quarterback and not a spread option quarterback, and begins calling plays accordingly, they will become significantly more effective.

Florida offensive coordinator Steve Addazio has shown absolutely no ability to establish a tempo or rhythm with his playcalling, and help his new starting quarterback get into the flow of a game. He calls plays as if he has written them on little cut up strips of paper that he then pulls out of a hat during the game.

That little inside hand-off dive play that he likes so much...? Never going to work when there is no credible threat that the quarterback might actually pull that ball out and run around the end with it. Especially if the offensive line is having trouble moving anybody off the line of scrimmage (by the way, Addazio is also the offensive line coach).  Having John Brantley run the option sweep to the short side of the field, deep in your own end of the field on second and ten? You must be joking.

Here is my suggestion: immediately remove from the game plan any play that involves John Brantley carrying the ball by design. With all due respect to Brantley, that is not his forte. Opposing defenses pray for that kind of wasted effort, and that kind of opportunity. Why take a chance on getting your most experienced and potentially most-effective quarterback hurt?

During the telecast of Saturday's game, CBS commentator Gary Danielson said it best, "They're calling plays for the wrong quarterback."

I'll go a little further.  The playcalling stinks and the offensive line has under-performed. Both of those areas are the direct responsibility of Steve Addazio. I don't care if he ran the ship during Urban Meyer's leave of absence. I don't care if he has stood in for the Pope himself. Florida's two biggest weaknesses right now are his responsibility.

My Crystal Ball Says...

...that I know what will happen in this week's key games. Always remember that I'm right, and your team sucks.

Week 5

I decided to try an experiment this week.  I am going to see how my picks compare with tossing a coin to select the winner.

I would like to think that my experience, my years of watching college football - both in person and on the tube - and my zillions of hours spent reading the self-serving drivel of alleged experts would help me be at least somewhat more accurate than a coin flip.

Let's find out...

#7 Florida at #1 Alabama - There are several keys to this game.  Has Florida's passing game progressed to the point that they can take advantage of a young Alabama secondary?  Can Florida slow down Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson and force Alabama to pass?  What Florida be effective using Trey Burton in his multi-position role?  And, lastly, how important is the fact that Florida's starting field goal kicker will miss the game with a back injury?  If it becomes a battle of field goals, you have to like the Tide's chances.  I think Florida will play well, and this should be a close, hard-hitting, entertaining game, but you have to like Alabama at home.  But don't be surprised if these two teams play each other again in Atlanta in December.

Quarter says:  Florida

Georgia at Colorado - This game is interesting if for no other reason than these are two teams that are absolutely, undeniably desperate for a win.  Georgia is 1-3, winless in the SEC.  Their only win is over Louisiana-Lafayette.  The Bulldogs aren't in the top 29 in any statistical category.  They are 30th in rushing defense and net punting.  Then it goes downhill from there.  I don't think Mark Richt is really on the hot seat.  His record over the years is still pretty remarkable.  His real problem is that he can't beat Florida.  The Dawgs will get some help from wide receiver A.J. Green, who is returning from suspension.  Colorado is 2-1.  They have beaten Colorado State and Hawaii.  In between, they got demolished by California.  They are 7th in the nation in rushing defense.  They are not in the top 39 in any other statistical category.  Colorado probably would have canned Dan Hawkins after last year's 3-9 campaign, but the university couldn't afford the buyout on his contract.  When in doubt, pick the speed of the SEC, and the head coach who knows how to win on the road.  I'll take the Dawgs.

Quarter says:  Colorado

#9 Stanford at #4 Oregon - Stanford is 4th in the nation in scoring offense.  Oregon is 1st. But they have fattened up on the likes of New Mexico and Portland State (admit it, you didn't even know Portland State had a football team).  This game could be really entertaining.  It will definitely be a contrast of styles.  Stanford, under Jim Harbaugh, looks more like a Big 10 team.  They like to pound the ball to force the defense to cheat up to protect the line of scrimmage, and then have Andrew Luck toss the ball over their heads.  Oregon likes to spread the defense all over the field, and then run into the spaces.  The Ducks are favored here, but I think the Tree will do a better job on defense and get the win.

Quarter says:  Oregon

Upon Further Review (Week 4)

They May Bend But...

One thing we discovered Saturday was that Alabama's defense is still a work in progress.  In the first half against Arkansas, they were unable to establish a pass rush, and Ryan Mallett made them pay.  In the second half, the Tide dialed up the blitz, and Mallet started to look very average.  Then he began tossing passes to the guys in the other jerseys.   The Razorback offense that scored 17 points in the first half could manage only a field goal in the second half as the Tide caught up and then passed the punchless Hogs.

The lack of a pass rush has to be a concern - Alabama has just one sack in four games.  But, somehow, they still lead the nation in scoring defense.  Can Florida's still-developing passing attack stem the Tide?  We'll find out soon enough.

NBC and Notre Dame Are Both Losing

As I was cruising through the channels on Saturday - clicking back and forth between several games that were actually good, I stumbled briefly on the Notre Dame-Stanford game on NBC.  I don't remember what the score was at the time, but the Tree ended up winning 37-14, and the game wasn't even that close. 

During the fifteen seconds that I stopped on NBC to catch the score, I found myself wondering... does someone in South Bend have incriminating photos of Dick Ebersol?  Have they agreed to keep said pictures under wraps as long as NBC keeps renewing the contract that makes them the exclusive carrier of Notre Dame home games?  What else could explain the ridiculous decision to continue torturing the NBC audience (what little there is of it during Notre Dame games) and the college football world in general with such an inferior product?

When you look at Ebersol's credentials, you realize the man is responsible for some of the most amazing televised sporting events ever, so it can't be a lapse in his judgement, can it? 

Two years ago, when ESPN.com reported that Notre Dame and NBC had extended their contract through 2015, they noted that this was "despite the Fighting Irish last year drawing their lowest ratings since the network began broadcasting their games in 1991."  What are the odds that the audience grew during last year's tumultuous 6-6 swan song for Charlie Weis?  With the Irish off to a blazing 1-3 start this year, when I tuned in briefly, I may have doubled their viewing audience.  Assuming Ebersol is still watching.

Since 2000, Notre Dame has had four coaches, and compiled a very pedestrian 71-55 record.  Because they are Notre Dame, they have finagled invitations to three BCS bowl games in that time, and lost each of them.  Badly.  Oregon State whipped the Irish 41-9 in the 2001 Fiesta Bowl.  The closest game of the three was the 34-20 loss to Ohio State in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl.  The following year they got pounded by LSU in the Sugar Bowl, 41-14. 

The same ESPN.com article quoted Ebersol as saying, "We go into this thinking that if the vast majority of the years has Notre Dame competitive in that top 10 or for that top 10 through the majority of the season, then we'll be very happy."

Dick, it's not 1949.  It's 2010.  The Irish haven't been great in a long time, and, right now, they're not even good.  What the heck are you thinking?

Great Offense? Or Bad Defense?

Call me skeptical.  Call me provincial.  Call me whatever you want.  But I need to see more from the Pac 10 before I start jumping on the conference bandwagon.  Stanford may be legit (if you ask me, they look more like a Big 10 team), but, once again, we are faced with the old Pac 10 quandary.  Are the offenses that good?  Or are the defenses that bad?

Consider Oregon's performance on Saturday.  Heading into the game, the Ducks were leading the nation in total defense and scoring defense, but yielded 597 yards and 31 points to Arizona State.  The Sun Devils scored 31 points on the Ducks despite the fact that they turned the ball over seven times.  Seven.  How many points would they have scored if they could have actually held on to the ball on a regular basis? Oregon prevailed 42-31, but the two teams combined for over 1000 yards of total offense.

Great offense?  Or bad defense?

In the season opener, and in a winning effort, USC still surrendered 36 points to Hawaii.  Nevada may still be scoring touchdowns on Cal.

I'm not sure what to think, but we'll find out more this Saturday when Stanford visits Oregon, and Arizona State visits Oregon State.

Random Game Day Observations (Week 4)

Rushing Roulette

The difference between Bud Foster and other defensive coordinators with shrunken cojonoes...?  How many times have you seen a three man rush in long-yardage passing situations?  Against Boston College, with a 16-0 lead early in the 4th quarter, and the Eagles facing a 3rd and 14 from their own 39, Virginia Tech blitzed.  The result?  BC loses 3 yards.  Other coaches please take note.  I despise the three man rush. 

Riding the Pine

Speaking of Boston College, has anyone noticed that quarterback Dave Shinskie is terrible?  First of all, he is a 26 year old "sophomore" after playing a few years of pro basbeball, so he should, in theory, be capable of making better decisions than your average 19 year old, but... no, not so much.  In my opinion, once you take money for playing any professional sport, you should be ineligible for any college sport. But that's another story.

Secondly, he has a knack for making bad plays right when the opponent needs them.  Let's just look at today's game.  He has fumbled once and thrown two interceptions - one in the Virginia Tech endzone.  The height of stupidity - trailing 7-0 with no time outs and a 1st and 6 from the Virginia Tech 11, but only 15 seconds remaining, Shinskie scrambled on a pass play.  Ok, ok, he got within a yard of the end zone, but by then there was no time left on the clock.  You have got to get at least a field goal attempt out of that.  Unless, of course, you are Dave Shinskie.

But, hey, at least he improved over last year's performance in Blacksburg in which he went 1 for 12 for 4 yards and threw two interceptions, including a pick 6.

Currently, he is riding the pine, watching his backup lead the Eagles the rest of the way to a 19-0 loss.

Who's the Boss?

Is there a dominant team out there?  Texas is currently losing at home to UCLA.  It's only half-time, and it may not hold up, but... 

Alabama and Arkansas are slugging it out.  Both teams have looked good at times, but the quarterbacks have already combined to throw 3 interceptions in the first half - 2 by the Tide's McElroy. 

In my view, the dominant team, at least until someone proves otherwise?  Boise State.

My Crystal Ball Says...

...that I know what will happen in this week's key games. Always remember that I'm right, and your team sucks.

Week 4

Back by popular demand, it's My Crystal Ball.  Thanks to those who e-mailed me at illegalprocedureblog@gmail.com and told me I was a slacker for not doing it for the first three weeks.

Look, I've known for a while that I was a slacker, so it wasn't really necessary for you to tell me that.  Many times.  Really.

Honestly, though, to present these picks the way I like to takes a lot of homework - looking at various sources to gather information and maybe dig up that tell-tale stat.  And, after all that,  I am wrong a third of the time anyway!

But that's one of the reasons I love college football - it's often unpredictable, and, as I have argued many times, almost anything can happen on any given Saturday.  This is one of the reasons I have argued against a college football playoff.  As ESPN says: Every Game Matters.

Now that we've established that, let's look at a few of this week's games that matter...

I think it is safe to argue that today's most important game among the alleged major programs is:

Georgia (1-2) at Mississippi State (1-2):  This is a must-win game for Georgia.  They began the SEC schedule with a road loss to South Carolina, and lost a close loss at home last week to Arkansas.  Starting 0-3 in league play would be a disaster. At that point, you start thinking about bribing someone on the Independence Bowl selection committee.  Oh wait, Georgia was just there last year.

I expected Mississippi State to be the most improved team in the league in the second year under Dan Mullen.  And they may be, but it hasn't translated into victories.  Of course, they have a lot to improve upon.  Georgia hasn't lost three straight games since 1990.  Normally, I'd take Mississippi State at home, but the Dawgs in red and black need a win badly.

#24 Oregon State (1-1) at #3 Boise State (2-0):  Regular readers will know how I feel about Boise State.  They are not a fluke.  Their offense is multi-dimensional and unpredictable.  They have one of the nation's best quarterbacks in Kellen Moore.  Their defense is fast and physical.  They have veterans everywhere on both sides of the ball.  Let's be honest - would you want your favorite team to pay a visit to Boise next week? If you said Yes, you'd better check real quick to see if your pants are on fire.  Oregon State is a solid team, but they have inexperience at the quarterback position, and the Rodgers Brothers are not enough to beat the Broncos at home.

#1 Alabama (3-0) at #10 Arkansas (3-0):  It's tempting to believe that the Tide may be vulnerable on the road, and I've been hearing for several days now how tough it is to play in Reynolds Stadium.  I've been there.  It's very nice.  But I'm not buying into the crowd noise thing.  When you play in the SEC, that is normal.  It's something you deal with regularly.  So, no offense Razorback fans, but take your alleged roar and stuff it.  Here's the key to this game - Arkansas is basically one dimensional.  They are 3rd in the nation in passing, but 98th in rushing.  Alabama is in the top 20 in both of those categories.  That balance will be the difference.  Roll Tide.


Best of luck to the Big 10 Plus 1, Soon to Have 12 Conference as they try to put fans in the seats or get anybody at all interested in today's games.  The schedule:  Illinois is off, Indiana hosts Akron, Iowa hosts Ball State, Michigan hosts Bowling Green, Michigan State hosts Northern Colorado, Minnesota hosts Northern Illinois, Northwestern hosts Central Michigan, Ohio State hosts Eastern Michigan, Penn State hosts Temple, Purdue hosts Toledo, and Wisconsin hosts Austin Peay.  Let's go Peay!


Late Note:  The guest picker on ESPN GameDay is former US Olympic ski racer Picabo Street.  She may possess the second greatest name in sports, behind former NASCAR driver Dick Trickle.

Thursday Night Thought

A brief observation on the Thursday game...

I'd like to know who it was that thought Pittsburgh could win the Big East.  Whoever said that, wrote that, or even thought that, please raise your hand and be recognized as an imbecile. 

Miami is nowhere near "back" - as last Saturday's game at Ohio State clearly demonstrated.  Tonight, Jacory Harris has thrown two interceptions (that makes six already this year), and the Canes have had a punt return for a touchdown called back by penalty.  But they're still beating Pitt easily.

Note to Pittsbugh offensive coordinator Frank Cignetti Jr: when your offensive line is being dominated by the defensive front seven, don't call plays that take three to five seconds to develop.  It's just... um... dumb.

As I write this, the Panthers are 3 for 14 on third down, and have committed nine penalties (Miami has been whistled for seven penalties - the last two of which, true to the U form, have been personal fouls).  The score is 24-3, and let's hope it mercifully ends that way.  Soon.  It's ugly.

So, for now, the Pittsburgh resume consists of a 38-16 win over the Wildcats of New Hampshire, to go along with losses to Utah and Miami. If the Panthers somehow manage to win the Big East this year, it will have less to do with their capabilities, and more to do with the woeful state of football in a basketball league.

Upon Further Review (Week 3)

I know, I know.  I just posted my Week 2 Review and Week 3 is already gone.  Sue me.  Or, better yet, pay me the big bucks to write these things and they'll always be on time.  Or, almost always.

Don't Forget. I Was Right

It is the solemn duty of every alleged sports writer to remind his faithful readers every time his predictions come true, and to never again mention the predictions that backfire.  Since I believe in solemn duties, I am choosing now to remind you that, when I discussed (here) the fact that the alleged Notre Dame Mystique no longer exists, I challenged readers to try to convince me that Notre Dame would start the season off with anything better than a 3-3 record.

Well, the Fleeing Irish are now 1-2, and the next three weeks have them playing #16 Stanford and then at Boston College, followed by a home game against Pittsburgh.  You do the math. 

Just remember I told you so...

Baby Gators

Since I have a strong University of Florida heritage, you'll get a moderate dose of Gator news here.  Hey, if you don't like it, find a Seminole blog somehwere.  Surely, there are at least one or two of them that know how to spell.

Anyway...

As if any of you need another reason to worry, here is something that should scare everyone but Gator fans. 

As I pointed out here, the Gators played more freshman in their first game than any other team in the country.

Here is some complicated math courtesy of the Gainesville Sun following the Tennessee game:

Of the 70 players who made the trip to Knoxville 43 are underclassmen, 21 were on their first road trip and 19 played in their first road game.

The Knoxville News-Sentinel did the math this way: 41% of the players standing on the Florida sideline in Neyland Stadium were either freshman or redshirt freshman.

Note to the rest of the nation:  this Gator team may struggle to get victories this season, but they'll get a bunch.  Next year, watch out.

Conference Call

You'd pretty much have to be an idiot to think that there is a better college football conference in the land than the SEC. There is just too much evidence - objective, subjective and circumstantial.

ESPN.com's Ivan Maisel recently wrote a little more about that subject here.  But there is a subtle nuance that often goes unmentioned, although I'm sure the athletic director at every SEC school knows all about it.  Maisel points out that there are seven SEC football stadiums with a capacity of over 80,000 (no other conference has more than four stadiums that big), and those stadiums are filled to an average of 98% of capacity on game days.  Think of all those seats, all those fans, paying for tickets.

When you combine that with fanatical booster support, merchandise and licensing income, TV revenues, and the payouts the league has collected from having put teams in BCS bowl games eighteen times since 1999, what that means is, in addition to speed, skill and talent, SEC teams have lots of money for nice things.  Nice things attract new recruits.  And new fans.  And new TV contracts.  And on-the-field success.  And more national championships.  And, thus, the cycle repeats itself.


Instant Chuckle:

Upon Further Review (Week 2)

I hate sportswriters and broadcasters.  Really.  This week in college football gives us the perfect example why.

Every one of these idiots wants to write off Boise State already because Virginia Tech lost to James Madison.  The argument is that this loss diminishes the importance of the Broncos win over the Hokies.  Anybody who actually watched both games knows this is absolutely garbage.

First of all... As I have discussed before, transitivity doesn't apply in college football. The fact that Team A beat Team B, and Team B beat Team C doesn't mean that Team A can beat Team C. 

Let me give you an example.  In 2007, circumstances and the stars aligned in just the right way for Appalachian State to beat Michigan 34-32 at home in the season opener.   Two weeks later, Appalachian State lost to Wofford College.  If Wofford College had been scheduled to play Michigan later in the season, which one of you would have bet everything you own on the Terriers beating the Wolverines?

To further illustrate my point, which one of you - after Appalachian State's win over Michigan - would have picked the Mountaineers to beat Florida, the defending national champion?  None?  Obviously.  But that same Michigan team that lost to Appalachian State went on to beat Florida 41-35 in the Capital One Bowl at season's end.

This is where things get tricky.  Just because one team beats another on a given Saturday doesn't necessarily mean that team is better than the other, it just means they were better than the other team on that day.  By the time you get to the end of a season, you can judge a team based on its complete body of work, but, on any given day, anything can happen.  That is what makes college football so much fun. Every Saturday, there are different issues to be considered. Fatigue, injuries, weather and other physical and psychological factors can play a significant role. Home field can be a huge advantage. But the big thing - and this is what really separates college football from the pros - is emotions. This is why you hear the classic cliches about the "look ahead" game or the "letdown game."

Secondly... In my view, Boise State has done everything they need to do to establish BCS credibility.  Before you start telling me how bad the WAC is, I'd like to point out the fact that the league contains Fresno State, Nevada and Idaho - teams that have had some measure of success in recent years.  Could Boise State hold up to the week in week out punishment of the SEC or the Big 12?  I don't know.  Nobody knows.  But they sure hold up now.

The Broncos record so far this decade is 119-19.  If you were surprised by their physical domination of Oregon last year, maybe you shouldn't be; Boise State beat the Ducks in Eugene in 2008.  If you were surprised that the Broncos knocked off previously unbeaten TCU in last year's Fiesta Bowl, maybe you shouldn't be; Boise State beat the 11-1 Frogs in the Fort Worth Bowl in 2003.  That same year, they beat BYU in Provo.  In 2006, they beat Oregon State, and ended that season with the now-famous Fiesta Bowl win over Oklahoma.  They have compiled a 51-4 record since the start of the 2006 season, and finished unbeaten in 2006 and 2009.  What do they have to do? Win a Super Bowl?

Thirdly, the Virgina Tech squad that lost to James Madison bore little resemblance to the Hokies that played Monday night.  I watched that game, and they looked as tough and talented as any team I've seen play so far this year.  Saturday afternoon, they were demoralized by their hard-fought loss, playing with just four days rest in horrendous weather against a team that was sky high.  If they played fifty more times, that would probably be the only time James Madison won.

I don't mean to take anything away from James Madison.  Yes, they caught Virginia Tech at a time when the Hokies were extremely vulnerable, but the Dukes were good enough to take advantage of it.

But Boise State has been good enough to win most of the games they play each year, and twice been good enough to win all of them.  Let's not take anything away from them either.

Upon Further Review (Week 1)

Bronco Bandwagon

I have told you this before, but, in case you forgot, I'm officially on the wagon.  That's right.  The Boise State bandwagon. 

If you're one of those casual fans that vaguely remembers the Boise State win over Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl, you probably think the Broncos are just a collection of gimmicks and trickery.  Well, think again.

[At this point, I am inserting the obligatory photo that includes Erin Andrews because, well, why wouldn't we want to include Erin Andrews?]

Anyway...

One game into their fifth season under head coach Chris Petersen, the Broncos have compiled a 50-4 record, including unbeaten seasons in 2006 and last year.  That's not trickery.  That's absolutely amazing.

Speaking of amazing, I was trying to resist the temptation to include this photo of a couple of Boise State cheerleaders, and then I thought, why resist?

Monday's victory over Virginia Tech was no fluke.  Boise State dominated early, weathered a furious rally by a very talented Hokie squad, and, at a time when a lesser team might have folded under the pressure, scored the winning touchdown on their last possession.

All of this, mind you, was in front of a very pro-Hokie crowd at the ostensibly neutral site in Landover, Maryland. 

This Boise State team could play with anybody in the country.  And we'd better get used to the idea.  They don't win with smoke and mirrors.  They win with talent and guts.


I'm not convinced that I can watch too many games on the Smurf Turf without damaging my eyesight. But I'll be watching anyway. These Broncos have definitely gotten my attention.

Random Stat:  Virginia Tech is now 0-22 in games away from home against top 5 teams.

Week 1 Surprises

This past Saturday brought us some interesting results. 

Oklahoma managed to beat Utah State, but only by a mere seven points.  Florida beat Miami of Ohio 34-12, but couldn't consistently get the shotgun snap into the hands of the quarterback. USC beat Hawaii, but saw their defense get shredded in a 49-36 shootout.

But there were two games that were particularly shocking: the Jacksonville State Gamecocks 49-48 upset of Mississippi,and the North Dakota State Bison's 6-3 win at Kansas.

Everything I have ever heard or read about Turner Gill tells me that he is a good guy. At Buffalo in 2006, he took over coaching a team that had gone 5-41 in its four previous seasons.  In his first three years, he went 2-10, 5-7 and then 8-6 in 2008, including an upset of previously unbeaten Ball State in the MAC Championship game.  That's about as good as you'll ever get at Buffalo, so it wasn't surprising when Kansas came calling last year after Mark Mangino was forced to resign amidst allegations that he verbally and physically abused some of his players. 

But it's clear that Gill has his hands full with the rebuilding job in Lawrence. 

The Kids Are Alright

Chris Low, the SEC beat writer for ESPN.com, pointed out some conference schools played lots of youngsters on Saturday.  But Florida, as it turns out, played more freshman (15, to be exact) than any other school in the country.  There is lots of talent in that locker room, but with so much youth on the field, the Gators may look a bit rough around the edges at times.

Kickoff !!

It's Thursday and I'm watching college football!  Someone pinch me.  I might be dreaming. 

It's finally here, and, as expected, the ESPN game - Southern Miss at South Carolina - was not the best of the night.  Minnesota and Middle Tennessee were tied at 17 half way through the fourth quarter.  The Gophers scored a late touchdown to get the win.  Too bad the Blue Raiders had to play the game without their quarterback Dwight Dasher.  Dasher was suspended for being an idiot.  Last year, he passed for 2,789 yards and ran for 1,154.  Do you think this team could have used him tonight?

Despite being ranked fifteenth, and being the overwhelming choice to win the Big East, Pittsburgh went to Utah as a three point underdog.  I like the Utes.  In my view, they've done everything they need to do to establish their football credibility.  They've won BCS bowl games, and beaten BCS conference teams.  They are the last team to beat Alabama.  If you're lucky enough to have Versus on your cable or satellite package, you got to enjoy this game.

Here's a random statistic:  The last time Utah lost a home game played on a Thursday was Thanksgiving Day.  In 1954. 

In this case, Pittsburgh kicked a field goal with three seconds remaining to force overtime, but the Utes prevailed 27-24, thus extending the Thursday home winning streak to thirteen games.

College football is here. Sweet...

New Resource for Info Buffs

I found a really cool online sortable set of college football data provided by - believe it or not - the Wall Street Journal.  It's called The Whole Hundred Yards.  The link is here.  It's good enough that I think I will add it to my permanent set of links on the right side of this page.

Among the things I learned; the nation's heaviest offensive line belongs to... (drumroll)... Idaho.  The Vandals average 333 pounds per man.

When Numbers Lie

Always be cautious with the way you interpret and apply statistics.  Somewhere, there is a set of numbers that, when manipulated and presented in a certain way, can be used to support almost any argument.

I used to wonder about that when I saw those old commercials that said 9 out of 10 dentists surveyed recommend such and such a chewing gum.  Even then, I thought, exactly how was that question phrased?

Dear Dentist:  Which are you more inclined to recommend for your patients?  (A)  Chewing Dentyne, or (B) Chewing a mouthful of greasy gravel from an old railroad bed.

It does make you wonder about the 1 out of 10 that chose greasy gravel.  I'm guessing that most of them were from Tennessee. 

And the rest were probably from Georgia.

But, anyway...

I thought about the use of statistics when I read Pat Forde's latest column on ESPN.com.  I actually like Pat Forde.  Sometimes.  But, in support of his inclination to believe Wisconsin can be a contender in the Big 10 Plus 1, Soon to Have 12 Conference, he threw out the following stat: 

When Wisconsin's line clicks, it wins: the Badgers were 10-0 when rushing for more than 150 yards last year and 0-3 when rushing for less; and they were 9-0 when allowing two or fewer sacks and 1-3 when allowing three or more.

On the  surface, that sounds fairly impressive.  It almost makes you want to believe in Wisconsin. But let's look a little deeper, shall we?

Let's consider the regular season (bowl game stats are often screwy).  Wisconsin was 9-3.  As Forde points out, in each of the the nine wins, they had 150 or more yards rushing.  In each of the three losses, they had less than 150 (118, 87 and 99 respectively).

Let's consider the opponents.  In the nine wins, the Badgers beat Northern Illinois, Fresno State, Wofford, Michigan State, Minnesota, Indiana, Michigan, Purdue and Hawaii.  In the three losses, they choked against Ohio State, Iowa and Northwestern. 

Northwestern didn't exactly have a great defense, but Wisconsin fell behind early, and, I think, got away from their game plan in a 33-31 loss.

Forde's Translation: The Badgers have a great offensive line that makes them a potential force in the Big 10 Plus 1, Soon to Have 12 Conference.

My translation: The Badgers are terrible against teams that are actually... you know... good.

Even as he praises Wisconsin, he does go on to tell us that, against Ohio State and Iowa - their two best opponents last year - the Badgers averaged just 2.7 yards per carry and gave up 10 sacks.

Forde's Translation: If their admittedly mammoth and allegedly great offensive line can improve on last year's performance in those big games, they have the potential to be a force in the Big 10 Plus 1, Soon to Have 12 Conference.

My translation: The Badgers are terrible against teams that are actually... you know... good.

So, as we enter this sure-to-be-terrific college football season, I urge you to remember that numbers lie.  Sometimes.  Unless you read them in one of my columns, in which case, they represent the absolute truth.

This column was brought to you by Dos Equis.




Although, I must admit I was rather disappointed when I found out that I was not the most interesting man in the world...

PS: Apologies in advance to my friend Bart - a longtime Badger fan - and his lovely wife Suzy, who may or may not ever speak to me again.

Things I Will Miss

Oh wow.  It's August... whatever the heck the date is... and, you know what that means!  It's time to get Illegal Procedure wound up to full speed.  Or at least take it out of neutral...

There are plenty of boring sites, mostly full of speculative garbage, that help you follow recruiting or spring practice or the NFL draft.  I don't do any of that.  Mostly, during the off-season, I drink beer.  Then, once college football gets started, I drink more beer!  Only I watch college football at the same time. 

It's a remarkable system.  I highly recommend it.

At the beginning of the season, I don't like to spend much time looking back.  Last year is done and gone.  But I don't like to look too far forward either.  Should we really be talking about the favorites for the Heisman right now?  It's August... whatever the heck the date is... for God's sake. 

So I'm going to kind of look back and look ahead at the same time, and talk about things I will miss in this sure-to-be-terrific 2010 college football season...

Tim Tebow
Come on.  You know you're going to miss him.  He was the poster child for college football for the last three years.  He is still the center of attention in the NFL despite the fact that he has yet to play a meaningful down for the Denver Broncos.  He was a Heisman Trophy winner, a conference champion (twice) a national champion (twice), and a class act. 

And he may have had the most publicized concussion in the history of mankind.

Even those who claimed to hate him secretly wished they could have him as their quarterback.  It's okay, you guys.  You can admit it now.  It's time to fess up.

I thought his career in college football was nothing short of historic (and I said so here).  I hope he wins a couple of Super Bowls to go with the rest of his football credentials.

Just for kicks, I did a Google search for his name and came up with 2,030,000 results.  Good Lord. 

Speaking of the Lord...

The Notre Dame Mystique
If, indeed, there ever was a Notre Dame mystique, now that it is 2010 and the Irish have been  mediocre for more than two decades, can we all agree that the mystique is gone?  Vanished?  Kaput?

As if we didn't have enough proof on the football field, Touchdown Jesus was struck by lightning in June, and subsequently burned to the ground. Granted, it was a Touchdown Jesus in Monroe, Ohio, and not the one that has blessed Irish victories over the years, but that can't be a good omen, can it?

Notre Dame's Touchdown Jesus is still standing, but that's the only thing in South Bend about which that can be said.

I'd like to quote from a little piece I wrote last November called, When Irish Eyes Aren't Smiling (you can find it here):

Think about this for a minute. If you are an eighteen year old senior in high school now, and you probably didn't really start consciously watching college games on television until you were twelve or thirteen, that means your first meaningful memories of Notre Dame football were seeing them suffer through seasons of 5-7 (2003) and 6-6 (2004), and then watching them fire their second coach in four years.

Since I wrote that, they finished last season with a 6-6 record, fired Charlie Weis, and hired a good old Irishman named Brian Kelly.  Notre Dame fans apparently expect Kelly to immediately improve their offense, and then produce a defense out of thin air.  Good luck. 

When was the last time anybody besides Beano Cook seriously considered the Irish to be a contender for the national championship?  Beano has more chins than the Irish had victories last season.  And we're still waiting for Ron Powlus to claim one of the three Heisman's he was supposed to win.

Here's an interesting statistic I stole from somewhere:  Utah has more unbeaten seasons in the last six years (two) than Notre Dame has in the last thirty.  That's particularly relevant because the Utes visit South Bend on November 13.

As an aside, and just for the record, nobody should ever mention the Utes without also allowing you to view this classic scene from My Cousin Vinny:



Anyway...

Look at Notre Dame's first 6 games this year- Purdue, Michigan, at Michigan State, Stanford, at Boston College, and Pittsburgh.  Now try to convince me they're going to be better than 3-3 coming out of that stretch. 

The game in Baltimore against Navy is no gimme (haven't the Middies taken 2 of the last 3 from the Irish?).  In addition to the aforementioned game with Utah, there is the season finale at USC.  If, with a bit of help from above, they manage a 4-2 start, Notre Dame will still have at least three tough games remaining on their schedule.  And, with two losses more than likely before they even get past the second week of October, they will revert to being what they have been for the last twenty years - an afterthought.

Wave good-bye.  The Notre Dame Mystique.  Gone.

Bobby Bowden
As a Gator fan, there were few people that I despised over the years as much as Bobby Bowden.  In retrospect, I think that was a bit unfair.  I often thought he was a lax disciplinarian.  I thought he tolerated a defense that stretched the limits of the rules of sportsmanship in an effort to intimidate.  And I thought his whole "dadgummit" personality was mostly just an act to curry favor with the media.

I think I was at least partly right, but, at the same time, let's face it; I despised him because the Seminoles inflicted some serious pain on Florida under his direction.  Although the Gators still have a substantial lead in the overall series (33-19-2), the most telling statistic is the record during the Spurrier years, which many consider the beginning of the golden era of the Gator Nation.  While Steve Spurrier went 117-19 against everybody else in college football from 1990 to 2001, his record against Florida State was a frustrating 5-8-1.

But even that didn't keep me from feeling sympathy for Bowden when certain Seminoles decided to run him off campus at the end of last season.

In my view, he had earned the right to coach as long as he wanted to.  The way he was tossed aside made me a little nauseous.

Once again, I'd like to quote from a piece I wrote in October last year called Stand Still Bobby While I Get That Knife Out of Your Back (you can find it here).

Bobby Bowden gave you a football program that was worth watching, when you actually bothered to show up, and now you want to unceremoniously shove him out the door. Unbelievable.

You were willing to sit back and gloat during the decade and a half that your Seminoles dominated college football like no other team ever has. Let Bowden enjoy the twilight of his coaching career as much as you enjoyed its prime.

 But, the idiots in charge sent him packing, and I have to say I will miss seeing him on the sidelines this year.  The good news is - now I can go back to hating Florida State without reservation.

Rational Numbers
To mathematicians, a rational number is any number that can be expressed as the quotient a/b of two integers, with the denominator b not equal to zero.  I was never good at math, and I am only somewhat good at being rational.  But will someone please drive directly to the conference offices of the Big 10 and the Big
12 and ask them what the heck they think they're doing?

As it was, the rest of the nation collectively giggled for a few years when Penn State joined the Big 10 in 1993, thus making it an 11 team league.  But we kind of got used to it.  And I suppose you have to give them credit for coming up with the clever logo that had an "11" conveniently embedded in it.

Then came the off-season shuffling this year that saw Nebraska leave the Big 12 to join the Big 10, and Colorado leave the Big 12 to join the Pac 10.  None of this will take effect until after this season ends, but what you will end up with is a Big 10 that has 12 teams, and a Big 12 that has 10 teams. 

But both conferences are keeping their old names.  So much for rational numbers.

Yes, I know.  It sounds like something from a Woody Allen movie.  And I would probably laugh if it wasn't so... dumb.  Seriously.

While all this was going on, the Pac 10 also lured Utah away from the Mountain West.  But at least the Pac 10 is planning to change their name to the Pac 12. 

Note to self:  if ever I am the founder of a college athletic conference, don't put a number in the name.

Shameless Self-Promotion:
If you enjoy this blog, share it with friends.  Heck, you can share it with enemies if you want.  Comments are always appreciated.  You can leave comments here on the blog.  You can e-mail me at illegalprocedureblog@gmail.com.  Or you can send me messages by carrier pigeon if you happen to have a bird trained to follow the scent of Stella Artois or Conundrum.

I'm ready for some college football!!

One last thing.  I'd like to introduce a new feature that I will use at random when it pleases me.  It is nothing more than a handy wave file designed to make you smile.  I call it...

Instant Chuckle:

With No Tebow, What Will Gators Do on Third and Two?

Here’s a question for you. Can you name Florida’s fullback last year? Go ahead, think for a minute. I’ll wait.

Give up?

It was Tim Tebow, of course. I know, I know, technically, he was the quarterback. But, when Florida needed to pick up the tough yards inside, that’s who carried the ball. And not just last season, but, really, for the last four. As the saying goes, it has been like a Fargo winter; you knew what was coming, and that information did you no good whatsoever.

Even when everybody knew what to expect, it was almost always successful. The only notable exception was Florida’s last possession in the 2008 home loss to Mississippi when Tebow was unable to convert a fourth and one. But the disappointment of that game prompted “The Promise ,” and Florida plowed through their remaining opponents on the way to a second national championship in three years. So, even that worked out pretty well.

For those expecting to witness the demise of the Gators in the post-Tebow era, I have bad news for you. This year’s offense should be more diversified and less predictable. A solid nucleus returns on the offensive line. The backfield is fast and deep. There are a handful of young but gifted receivers. And redshirt junior quarterback John Brantley has a strong, accurate arm. Big plays could become routine. But here is the one unanswered question: With no Tebow, what will the Gators do on third and two?

Florida enters the fall with two fullbacks on the roster, neither of whom has ever touched the ball in a college game. The biggest of the returning running backs is Emmanuel Moody . When given the opportunity, he has shown himself to be capable, but has missed six games with injuries in two seasons since transferring from USC. At 5'11" and 212 pounds, he is reasonably sturdy, but won’t exactly cause nightmares for SEC defenders.

While he isn’t the brute force that Tebow was, Brantley, at 6'3", 218 pounds, is more of an athlete than most people realize. But Florida’s coaches won’t be eager to have him risk injury carrying the ball. Behind him on the depth chart there are only freshman.

During spring drills, without making a big deal of it, the Gators experimented with having quarterback-turned-tight end Jordan Reed run plays out of the shotgun. Reed is listed at 6'3", 240 pounds. Think back, for a moment, to the 2006 season, when a young bruiser named Tim Tebow frequently relieved Chris Leak in short yardage situations.

Perhaps Florida’s "fullback" this year will be a redshirt freshman tight end named Jordan Reed.

By the way, Florida did have a fullback last year, a senior named Rick Burgess. And he did touch the ball. Once. He returned a squib kickoff for eight yards against Mississippi State.

The Mike Valenti Rant

I was recently cleaning up old files on my laptop and discovered something that absolutely needed to be shared! 

As part of the Valenti and Foster Show on WXYT-FM/AM in Detroit, Mike Valenti is known for being a bit harsh and crusty.  And, as a Michigan State alum, you can imagine how he felt on Monday afternoon, September 25, 2006, when he sat down to do his show.  Just two days before in East Lansing, Michigan State had squandered a 16 point lead against archrival Notre Dame.  After leading 37-21 in the midst of a torrential downpour, the Spartans surrendered 19 straight points and lost 40-37.

When I first heard this back then, I laughed and laughed.  But I knew how he felt.  Every serious fan has had his favorite team cause moments of extreme frustration that defy logic and go beyond explanation.  This was Mike Valenti's moment. 

It's fifteen minutes long, so be sure you have some time when you sit down to  listen to it.  It takes him a few minutes to really get fired up, but it's well worth the wait...

Mascot Madness

If you are in search of colorful stories and quirky traditions, the origins of some of the of the nation's college mascots are a great place to look. For a lengthy list of weird college names, you can start here, but I would like to share a little of my own mascot madness with you.

If you are a faithful follower of this blog, you know that I have become an Idaho fan.  The only reason I can give is... how can you not like a team called the Vandals? 

Oddly, it is not a direct reference to the Germanic tribe that sacked Rome in 455 AD, although that is the origin of the word.  According to the Idaho athletics website, it was a tribute to the 1917 basketball squad whose aggressive style of defense was known to "vandalize" their opponents.  A sports reporter for the school newspaper wrote in  a season preview, “The opening game with Whitman will mark a new epoch in Idaho basketball history, for the present gang of ‘vandals’ have the best material that has ever carried the ‘I’ into action.”

By 1921, the name was official.


As a native of Massachusetts, I have a great apprecation for the unique history of the state. It makes perfect sense to me that the mascot of the University of Massachusetts should be a Minuteman.

But this is a clear example of how athletics and attitudes have changed.  The university was established in 1863 as the Massachusetts Agricultural College.  The first woman was admitted in 1892.  In 1947, it officially changed its name to the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.  Even then, when they chose their mascot, it may not have dawned on anyone that women would compete in intercollegiate sports.  But, now, of course, they do.

That leaves U Mass in the uncomfortable position of calling their ladies' athletics teams the Minutewomen.


One of the strangest stories involves the origins of the Scottsdale Community College Artichoke.

The school was constructed in 1970 after a 99 year lease gave it access to a parcel of land on the Salt River Indian reservation.  This was a time of social activism on college campuses, and the college's constitution was written in a way that gave the students an unusual amount of budget oversight and control.

While the administration saw athletics as a way to build school spirit and enhance its reputation, many students felt the priorities should be on stocking the shelves of the library and building a daycare for students with children. 

The tension was constant.

According to an article on the SCC website, "Student government allotted 11 scholarships for the Indians on whose land the campus stood. The administration of that day had other ideas.  It felt the scholarships could be put to better use by luring out of state athletes."

After stripping the student government of much of its power, and moving forward with plans to enhance SCC athletics, the administration, rather foolishly, allowed the student senate to conduct an election to name the school's mascot.  The senate, in a fit of civil disobediance, offered three outlandish possibilities: the Scoundrels, the Rutabaga, and the Artichoke.

The Artichoke won. 

Then the administration argued that the election was invalid, since only 11% of the students had voted.  Another election was held, offering "the Drovers" as an alternative to the Artichoke.  This time, the outcome was decided by nearly 80% of the vote.

The Artichoke won again.

So, Artie the Artichoke was born as the result of a student protest in Arizona.


When you read about the origins of the Delware Blue Hen, you understand why they are such a proud bunch. 

In late 1775, the Continental Congress asked the state of Delaware to raise a regiment to add strength to the army fighting the British.  The second of the eight companies formed was from Kent County, along the lower portion of the Delaware River.

According to the university's website, "The troops often amused themselves by staging cockfights with a breed known as the Kent County Blue Hen, recognizable for its blue plumage."

As the men from Delaware distinguished themselves in
battle, they also became known for the fighting reputation of their ferocious chickens.

The University of Delaware traces its roots to a small, private academy founded in 1743. They first began playing football in 1889, and, when choosing blue and gold as the school's colors, did so because those were the colors of George Washington's uniform, and because the first permanent colonists in Delaware were from Sweden, whose national flag is a gold cross on a blue background.


No article on strange mascots would be complete without mentioning the University of California at Santa Cruz.

The students at UCSC were a low key bunch, and wanted the school to reflect their attitude. They thought athletics should be available for all students, not just a select few. As a result, their club teams and intramural progams were very strong.

The university's website says, "The Banana Slug, a bright yellow, slimy, shell-less mollusk found in the campus's redwood forest, was the unofficial mascot for UC Santa Cruz's coed teams since the university's early years."

In 1980, when the university decided to participate in five NCAA sports at the Division III level, they needed an official team name in order to apply.  The chancellor at the time, and a small group of athletes, supported the name Sea Lions.  This did not sit well with the majority of the students.  Even after a Sea Lion was painted on the gym floor, and a Sea Lion statue erected on campus, most continued to think of their teams as the Banana Slugs.

After five years of bickering, the student body was again asked to deliver their opinion in a non-binding vote.  The Banana Slug won in a landslide. 

In a recent issue, Time magazine placed the Banana Slugs first on a list of top ten worst team names.  But, Reader's Digest had already named the Banana Slug the best college mascot in 2004.  And, in 2008, ESPN Sports Travel named the Banana Slug as the best nickname in college basketball.

I thnk he's kind of cute.


My favorite new mascot story was provided to me recently by regular reader Matt Adams.  It's not a college at all.  It's the Arkansas School for the Deaf.  They just recently announced that they have joined the Great Plains School for the Deaf Conference which will enable them to compete for championships in cheerleading, track, basketball, volleyball, and, of course, football.

The school dates back to 1850 in Fort Smith, Arkansas, through the efforts of a woman named Asa Clark. The Civil War forced the school to close, but it re-opened in 1868 in Little Rock as the Arkansas Deaf Mute Institute.

The school continued to grow and gain prominence.  Dr. Alexander Graham Bell, the great experimenter in sound and electricity, visited the school in 1898.  His wife, Mabel, was completely deaf as a result of scarlet fever contracted at age five. 

In 1941, the ASD won the national basketball championship for schools for the deaf held at the Illinois School for the Deaf.

Their football team is small, but tough.  Every player plays both offense and defense, all four quarters.

It's not clear when they chose their mascot, and it was certainly decades before the formation of any English rock bands, but, yes, ladies and gentlemen, they are the Arkansas School for the Deaf Leopards.